This paper aims to reflect upon the principal difficulties, challenges or ‘headaches’ that doing feminist research in conflict and post-conflict contexts can involve. Each of the two authors has conducted a very different study. One, on the role of local women’s organizations and activists in peacebuilding; the other, on the disarmament and reintegration of combatants and the impact of this process on the reproduction of violence. While one of us is a woman, the other is a man. While one studies feminist activism, the other focuses mainly on masculinities in the military. While one has researched in Kosovo, the other has done so in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Based on these two research processes, we reflect on debates over epistemological and practical issues such as reflexivity, positionality of the researcher, access, secrecy and silence in the research process, power relations in the field and ethical dilemmas